Confusement

This picture was taken my Junior year in high school at my mother’s apartment. I was 16. Soon after my mom returned from Dessert Storm my parent’s separated. My brother and sister moved with her to this apartment and I stayed with my dad at the house. I was pretty sure that this separation would go much like the others and that my dad would eventually be staying wherever my mom was plus I didn’t want to move any of my shit. Teen age angst and all that. I took a gamble and won because at 16 I pretty much had my own place for a few months until my mom got out of her lease and moved back home. I’m wearing a White Sox hat not because I had any love or understanding of the game or the team; I just thought it was cool. The grey grunge flannel with Public Enemy t-shirt combo was not ironic but more than anything iconic of my bi-racial background.

When the subject of awkward phases came up I drew a blank mostly because my entire life has been an awkward phase. For one thing I didn’t look like most bi-racial children (read: Good Hair) and there aren’t a lot of minorities in Topeka, KS to begin with. I pretty much float somewhere in between fitting in everywhere and not really fitting in anywhere. Throw in a chosen faith of Judaism, addictions and some body image issues and you got yourself a whole mess of awkward.

The quasi-gang sign thing I’m doing with my hand…who the fuck knows what that’s about!